Hopes

If I Could Do Anything In My Life, What Would It Be?

Saturday, July 28, 2018
In The Name of Allah The Most Precious Most Loving

When I went to Langkawi last year for Idris and Maimunah's 1st Family Day

Life has been such a roller-coaster ride for me these past 4 years. All I could say, my life after marriage has taught me a lot and I never expect to go through such journey. Marriage has been a blessing for me. Why do I say so? It's because, I learnt a lot about myself. I am still learning about me and I surprised myself to discover such sides that I never knew I had. It's a lie if I say there were no challenges that I faced. I had and I am having several now but I believe everything is a blessing from Allah. Right?

It is not easy to take in all and to see the challenges in a positive side. Imagine, you are faced with difficulties and can you still smile and say "it's OK, you'll get through this"? To say that during your hardest times will definitely need a lot of courage and the dependency towards Allah at your highest means. I am far beyond that. I slipped and I rise, I slipped again and I try to hold on to bars on my right and left to support myself back up. The circle goes on and on.

I have always felt that I missed a lot in my life. Somehow I have not given my all and was not seeing a lot of things in many perspectives. No exposure or I myself was too blind to see and rather focused on things that were so wasted back then. That could be the possibility, too.

I came across the question above of my post title which got me thinking to give myself a try and to answer it generally.

If I Could Do Anything in My Life, What Would It Be?

# I would love to travel around the world. To have a decent job as my bread and butter and to be able to work remotely and still I'm able to travel the world, learn about the country, the culture, the people, get engaged with people. I believe that would open up my views on so many things. You know, not being too rigid with so many things.

# I would like to write books. Books that share on a lot of things. Travelling and writing about life. Not just simply about life, but to let people read and imagine on the journeys through my eyes. Above all, to center all of it for the sake of Allah. Travelling to learn more about HIS world and to write and share it with everyone. To let people know about the beauty of HIS creation. Subhanallah! Wouldn't it be nice?

# To undo everything and start all over again. (Such an impossible thing to do!) I know, but (you know what I mean right? Hihi)

# I would REALLY want to make my parents, my siblings, my family members and close friends proud of me. I really want them to be proud and say "Aliah, you have done such a good job, thank you for your hard work and I'm proud to know you". I don't think I have achieved anything to make them proud of me. I have been drown for too long to not do anything to make them proud. Nah! How many "prouds" have I written down! But true enough, I really want to make them proud and I want them to be proud of me. I always give my hardest but somehow I need to work harder to achieve that.

# I would really love to share with people what I see. My photos on the nature, my videos that I take especially on people around me, and to compile all of them, to share on the bits and my reflections of each of them to people. I love sharing them. I ponder on things a lot but I always held back on sharing them not knowing whether people will read it or not. In the near future maybe?

# To spend more time with Arwah Muhammad Marwan. To be there for him like I used to and to never let him be alone during his toughest and darkest times. I still couldn't believe I can no longer talk to him, text him and share things with him when I'm facing such difficulties in my life that no one understands better like he did. I miss you everyday Marwan my love. My beloved cousin whom we have been best friends since in our mothers' womb. I pray that you are happy at your happiest place that you always dreamed of. Al-Fatihah.

Who knows I'll be able to do all the above before I leave this world? If so, I'll be the happiest person on earth. Till then, take care of your health, be happy and always be nice to anyone that you see. Smile too please! See you in my next post inshaAllah.

TOWARDS THE END

Friday, May 11, 2018
In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious Most Loving

To be honest, the Judgement Day is nearing the end. It's either we realized it or not. Have we prepared ourselves properly? Have we given our heart and soul on working to the wins of Islam or not? Have we really worked our hardest to put Islam on the World Map thus achieving peace and only the good things that we want to see and feel?

But before that, there will be several biggest last obstacles that we have going to go through before we can really declare our wins. We all know what are they right? If we forget, we can always check back our notes on that. 

Are we fully prepared for that? Have we purified our intentions and faith together with Shahadah confirming that we only obey Allah and believe that our Prophet is our Messenger and nothing else?

Have we checked all that?

It is time to ponder everything and be a new us in welcoming a happy ending for all of us. 

May Allah lead us to HIS way, never let us go astray and to be the chosen ones to see HIM, to be happily with HIM closer than we can ever think of.

I want to be closer to You Ya Allah. I want to come back home seeing You and for You to be proud of me when I come home to You.

Ramadhan, I miss You. Let me fully prepare myself to the best condition that I can be.

See you.

CONFRONTATION WITH DECISIONS

Friday, March 09, 2018
In The Name of Allah the Most Gracious Most Loving

"When confronted with a difficult decision, we can be like deer in headlights: dazed and unable to choose a direction"
-Reader's Digest

Decisions, thoughts and challenges.

These three siblings are the fundamental of life that we encounter in our every day life. To withstand the challenges faced, to govern our thoughts in an orderly and wise manner in order to make the most sane decisions of everything.

From the smallest to the biggest things, we have to make decisions. But how do we really know that it's the wise decision that we have decided to do?

Up until today, I still wonder and doubt some of my decisions, thinking am I going to the right decision in life? Just a ponder you know. I believe Allah is The Best of Planners and He has planned the best story line for each and everyone of us. It's just that sometimes we did the silliest things in life which make us regrets-that-you-can-never-forget-and-hoping-not-to-do-it. But that is life tho. We did, we learned and we move forward not repeating the same mistakes over again.

For example, deep down inside, I know I am hardworking and smart. But I did not give my best during my school years which made me regrets a bunch! But from there I realized my passion or my main thing that I can do and like in this life.

I love language, I love music, I am a person with a deep sentimental values over everything that I see, hear, feel, easy to easy--everything that surrounds me.

I get attached too easily. I get emotionally affected easily. Imagine if I were to become a doctor, I don't think I'll be sane in another 3 months. 

But writing, makes me feel me. I'm free to express myself, my opinions, my ideas and somehow I love how writing can touch a person's heart--even to cold ones.

Have I made a mistake over decisions that I chose?

Yes. I do regret up until today and there were those which I'm glad I did the mistake.

Why? Because one of them was the reason why I started to be much closer to my Creator, My Love--Allah.

To be honest, I am still struggling with my thoughts, my challenges and the decisions that I have to make every single day. Above all that, I strongly feeling assured that I have Allah with me all the time to guide me in making the best out of my life. Tipu kalau kata tak nervous. Nervous kot! Cabaran yang Allah nak bagi bukan sebarang calang. Kata nak dekat dengan Allah, kata nak syurga Allah--tak kental la kalau cabaran tu ciput ye tak?

Allah Allah moga dikuatkan hati, diberi ketabahan.

I hope all of you feel the same way too. To always be determined and be stronger each and every day. InshaaAllah, see you in the next post!