IF I COULD DO ANYTHING IN MY LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

When I went to Langkawi last year for Idris and Maimunah's 1st Family Day

Life has been such a roller-coaster ride for me these past 4 years. All I could say, my life after marriage has taught me a lot and I never expect to go through such journey. Marriage has been a blessing for me. Why do I say so? It's because, I learnt a lot about myself. I am still learning about me and I surprised myself to discover such sides that I never knew I had. It's a lie if I say there were no challenges that I faced. I had and I am having several now but I believe everything is a blessing from Allah. Right?

It is not easy to take in all and to see the challenges in a positive side. Imagine, you are faced with difficulties and can you still smile and say "it's OK, you'll get through this"? To say that during your hardest times will definitely need a lot of courage and the dependency towards Allah at your highest means. I am far beyond that. I slipped and I rise, I slipped again and I try to hold on to bars on my right and left to support myself back up. The circle goes on and on.

I have always felt that I missed a lot in my life. Somehow I have not given my all and was not seeing a lot of things in many perspectives. No exposure or I myself was too blind to see and rather focused on things that were so wasted back then. That could be the possibility, too.

I came across the question above of my post title which got me thinking to give myself a try and to answer it generally.

If I Could Do Anything in My Life, What Would It Be?

# I would love to travel around the world. To have a decent job as my bread and butter and to be able to work remotely and still I'm able to travel the world, learn about the country, the culture, the people, get engaged with people. I believe that would open up my views on so many things. You know, not being too rigid with so many things.

# I would like to write books. Books that share on a lot of things. Travelling and writing about life. Not just simply about life, but to let people read and imagine on the journeys through my eyes. Above all, to center all of it for the sake of Allah. Travelling to learn more about HIS world and to write and share it with everyone. To let people know about the beauty of HIS creation. Subhanallah! Wouldn't it be nice?

# To undo everything and start all over again. (Such an impossible thing to do!) I know, but (you know what I mean right? Hihi)

# I would REALLY want to make my parents, my siblings, my family members and close friends proud of me. I really want them to be proud and say "Aliah, you have done such a good job, thank you for your hard work and I'm proud to know you". I don't think I have achieved anything to make them proud of me. I have been drown for too long to not do anything to make them proud. Nah! How many "prouds" have I written down! But true enough, I really want to make them proud and I want them to be proud of me. I always give my hardest but somehow I need to work harder to achieve that.

# I would really love to share with people what I see. My photos on the nature, my videos that I take especially on people around me, and to compile all of them, to share on the bits and my reflections of each of them to people. I love sharing them. I ponder on things a lot but I always held back on sharing them not knowing whether people will read it or not. In the near future maybe?

# To spend more time with Arwah Muhammad Marwan. To be there for him like I used to and to never let him be alone during his toughest and darkest times. I still couldn't believe I can no longer talk to him, text him and share things with him when I'm facing such difficulties in my life that no one understands better like he did. I miss you everyday Marwan my love. My beloved cousin whom we have been best friends since in our mothers' womb. I pray that you are happy at your happiest place that you always dreamed of. Al-Fatihah.

Who knows I'll be able to do all the above before I leave this world? If so, I'll be the happiest person on earth. Till then, take care of your health, be happy and always be nice to anyone that you see. Smile too please! See you in my next post inshaAllah.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

CAHAYA CINTA

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

14 November 2012, Rabu; 11:10 malam.

Bisikan lembut menyapa kalbu,

Berkata indah berlagu merdu.

Dicari digapai,

Namun masih terkapai,

Ibarat dilambung badai.

Sang Pencipta itu lebih tahu,

Kira hambaNYA terdampar lesu,

Dek hamparan ujian yang hadir satu persatu.

Cahaya itu tidak datang berlari,

Bahkan tidak pula ia tiba secara “free”,

Dirimu itu perlu berpenat lelah mencari.

Pergilah dikau pergi,

Teroka semula fitrah kejadian diri,

Sesungguhnya kita semua akan kembali,

Di sisi AL-Khaliq yang hakiki.

Jangan dibiar diri hanyut terlalu lama. Rohani diri makin terseksa dek titik-titik hitam dosa yang rakus bermaharajalela. Saat batin diri terasa sakit, segeralah kembali kepadaNYA.

Menangislah, mengadulah sepuas-puasnya. Sesungguhnya, di situ letaknya ketenangan diri yang indah tak terkata. Cinta Allah Yang Maha Esa. Cinta yang membatasi segala cinta yang ada di dunia.

Segera bangkit, segera berlari ! DIA setia menanti, menerima dirimu yang selalu dirindui.

Ya, Tuhanmu merinduimu. Pegang rasa itu; kerana tidak selalu ia akan berada di situ.