Tuesday, August 3, 2021
FIRST DAY OF PRE-SCHOOL. MY DETACHMENT FROM MY SON.
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
- Is he going to cry?
- Is he going to pee himself at school?
- Is he going to be okay without me?
- Is he going to get scolded by the teachers?
- Is he going to make friends with others?
- Is he going to eat properly?
- Can he understand instructions?
These above on top of other hundreds of questions popped inside my head and I could not stop thinking. I talked about this with my husband and he always answers with, "do not worry too much, he is going to be okay. He may cry first few days but I believe he will be okay." I have been taking care of my son since birth and he has never been taken care of other people other than me. I guess it is more of me could not detach myself from my son. As a mother, we always want to give the best to our kids and we always have this mindset that, "No one takes care of our children better than us."
At one point, I could not stop blaming myself where I should have taken good care of him or spend more time with him as I can slowly feel that my son is growing up. This is just the first phase of him slowly leaving me to live his life. Thinking of my own life growing scares me as I would not even want to part ways with my parents. I know that he is only 4 years old, attending a pre-school. However, to me, he is slowly talking his first step of building up his independent skill. He will soon learn how to cope with his daily routines, what to do without parents around as there will be many other students at the school.
Preparations on the first day of school.
All forms have been prepared, fees are all paid, clothes are all ironed. Now come the part where we have to always tell Fateh that he is soon going to school to learn, to have fun, to make friends and many more. We tried our best to instill the happiness and joy of learning as he is only attached to me without many opportunities to have social time with other kids at his age. He looked excited, he sounded thrilled and looking forward to it. He even joined my husband ironing his clothes the night before. I did advice my son that if anything that you need help with, always look for your teacher. Please do not cry as I will be picking you up very soon. My bad as I have reminded him not to cry and that has been implanted in his mind. You are too late Aliah! Face the consequence later!
First day of school.
We both walked him to school as it is just 7 minutes walking to our house. My husband piggy-backed him and we were being as cheerful as we can. However, the moment we reached the gate, lines of students crying were heard and it has affected Fateh tremendously and he then, CRIED! The teacher had to take him and calm him inside the school. I can hear him crying loudly while calling me,
"Bonda, Bonda don't leave me, please take me too! Bondaaaaaa!"
I too, cried silently sobbing hard on our way back home. I was the one who felt hard to detach myself as much as he is having it hard too. All kinds of emotion gushed me as a whole and I felt hard to accept it at first. Calming myself continuously, my husband reassured me that this shall pass.
What have I learned?
I have learned that time is precious. I have the advantage of taking care of my son since birth and knowing that I should have spent more time with him, structed my mind at that time. Secondly, I learned that my son can never always be with me 24/7 till he grows up. There will be times where he will slowly learn about life, learn to be independent, learn to think on his own, to make decisions on his own, to spend time with his friends, to spend his alone time without me and to see life in another perspectives with lots of questions that he might ask later on. Thirdly, I also learned that I need to slowly detach myself from this worldly life as not everything is mine from the first place. It all belong to Allah S.W.T. I need to learn to be calm, think rational and let my heart feel at ease for whatever happens in the future, respectively for anything related to my son.
My hopes on my son for his pre-school years.
My husband and I do not have much expectations on our son at that time. Pre-school in Malaysia usually starts at the age of 4 to 6 years old. We just want Fateh to build his emotion healthily and to develop his motor skills more than to learn a lot of things that requires memorizing on subjects forcefully. Come on, he is just 4. We really want Fateh to be happy and enjoy learning. We just want to be open with any discussions about what ever that he is learning. He will learn many things and he will slowly build other skills and we do not want to rush things. My husband and I we promised ourselves to be committed with our children's education and to let him freely explore what he wants to know and learn about this world.
He is now 6 and I'd share about his journey of his pre-school years in the next post. We are humbled, grateful and happy with his progress in his learning.
Thank you for your time reading. InshaaAllah see you in the next post!
Love always,
AliahMazli.
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Salam !
Writing is a way that I can express myself and be connected with other people. Thank you for taking some of your time here--my blog, my space. I hope you benefit something from it.
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